


blood soup for the vampire soul

by tokyeons (stylsh)



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Comedy, Crack, Drunkenness, Kinda, M/M, Vampires, idk how to tag, unless??
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-21
Updated: 2021-02-21
Packaged: 2021-03-18 18:55:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 973
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28871913
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stylsh/pseuds/tokyeons
Summary: Something stirred in Yixing, and he woke up, practically hissing at the sunlight that came in through the curtains.Yifan was almost definitely sure he's a vampire.Or, Yifan is an idiot who watches too much Twilight and Yixing has bad drinking habits.
Relationships: Wu Yi Fan | Kris/Zhang Yi Xing | Lay
Comments: 11
Kudos: 16
Collections: EXO Bakery - 2021





	blood soup for the vampire soul

**Author's Note:**

> lol prompter i hope i did you justice T T i had a lot of fun writing this and i honestly think this has been one of my best fics in a while. i read this and i laugh so much HGFDJ so i hope you find it funny too. 
> 
> big shout out to my beta reader for giving me great advice and the sweet comments q m q couldn't have done it without you

Yixing was lighter than Yifan expected.

Granted, he expected Yixing to be heavier than a mountain, considering his species. Weren't vampires superhumans with immeasurable body strength? So why was Yixing surprisingly light as Yifan carried him back to his apartment?

He mumbled question after question to himself as he laid Yixing down on his couch. The man was utterly dead, undoubtedly drunk. Yet another thing Yifan didn't know vampires could do. He thought they didn't have a bloodstream? Maybe he should do more research. Xuanyi and his grandmother were already asleep, and he was hoping they wouldn't be horrified to see a passed out vampire on their couch. Xuanyi already knew (though she vehemently denied believing it). His grandmother hadn't cared when he carefully laid out his Google Slides presentation about how and why Yixing was a vampire.

As he laid Yixing down and put one of the knitted blankets over his torso, Yifan looked around the small apartment he shared with his little family. It's not like Yixing would drink their blood? They were friends, right? After a long pause to consider, Yifan straightened back up. Maybe he should take a few more precautions, just in case. Now, just how could he vampire proof this apartment?

What did vampire proofing even entail?

After wandering around the apartment a little aimlessly, Yifan went to bed and locked his door.

He slept for only around 3 hours, so Yixing was still passed out when he got into the kitchen, allowing Yifan to get to work.

He had remembered something important last night. A vampire’s fundamental need was to drink blood, so Yifan was wholly prepared to make sure Yixing had those needs met. He pulled out a bucket from his grandma's freezer and boiled it down, adding vermicelli, as the recipe called for, as well as adding tofu, beef, and other things he could find. Something stirred in Yixing, and he woke up, practically hissing at the sunlight that came in through the curtains.

Yifan was almost definitely sure he's a vampire.

He always worked the late shift with Yifan but still got back to his apartment much later than Yifan. Somehow he could afford a three-bedroom apartment by himself. Not to mention, he could play every instrument (slight exaggeration) and nearly every sport (again, slight exaggeration)?! The only reason Yifan could think of why Yixing had these talents was that Yixing was a vampire. Or, at the very least, immortal, but there are plenty of other reasons why he was explicitly a vampire.

He can take his alcohol VERY well (which is why he could drink four times more than Yifan and still end up completely fine). Despite the fact he was always sleepy except when he came back from visiting his brother Luhan in the hospital (Yifan assumes it's for blood?). He was also quite pale.

And he always refused the food Xuanyi brought over.

Granted, it's not good food, but he could at least be a little nicer about it!

He had found Yixing passed out in the elevator with the bottle still in his hand. After putting the bottle in the appropriate bin, he had made the quick decision to bring Yixing into his apartment.

"What is that smell-?" Maybe he was hissing at the sunlight because if he was in the sun, he would burn? A quick glance confirmed Yixing wasn’t sparkling- so, not a Twilight vampire, then. This was a bummer. Yifan liked Robert Pattinson as Edward. A  _ lot _ . 

"I'm making you soup. You were passed out, so I brought you here."

Yixing's brows furrowed, and he looked at Yifan incredulously. "Okay... But why does it smell like  _ that _ ? Smells like you're cooking up a human."

"Unfortunately, I couldn't get any human blood on such short notice. I also wanted to prepare it nicely, so I am making duck blood soup."

"D-" He shook his head, and Yifan tilted his own. "Duck blood soup? Why the hell are you feeding me that?"

"It's a Nanjing delicacy."

"Why not chicken noodle soup?"

"Look, I know you mostly drink human blood, but my grandma had some duck blood laying around, so I decided to use it. Be a little thankful, alright?"

There was a beat of silence, and the two of them looked at each other, Yixing’s expression one of confusion and Yifan’s one of determination. The silence was only filled with bubbling sounds from Yifan's soup, broken only when Yixing finally spoke up.

"I-" Yixing stood, completely taken back. "This is the second time you mentioned human blood. I thought it was a joke, but- I- Yifan, I- I don't drink human blood?"

Yifan stared at him, this time with confusion on his own face. The two held their stare for a little while longer before Yifan spoke up again, his eyes squinting at the other man. 

"It's okay, Yixing. I know you're a vampire."

"I'm not a-"

"It's okay, you don't have to hide it any-"

"I'm not a vampire, you idiot." Yixing threw his head back and laughed before wincing and clutching his head. Yifan frowned, looking down at his hands as if he had gotten transported into another timeline. Yixing  _ wasn't _ a vampire? He heard Yixing's laughter come closer, and the taller man almost jumped out of his skin once he realized Yixing was right next to him.

"I THOUGHT YOU WERE A VAMPIRE!!"

"I'm- I'm not!"

Yifan went silent for a little longer, absolutely still like a statue. He was so still and for so long, Yixing had to reach out and stir the soup for him.

Finally, Yifan spoke. "You know, you're pretty hot as a vampire, though."

"Is this you saying you want me to suck your blood?"

"Is this you saying yes?"

"I can suck something else if you want."

Yifan smiled.


End file.
